Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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