woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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