Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
