Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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