Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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