You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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