Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
