yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
