Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Shame is for Republicans.
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