Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
