guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
