No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
