how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
