theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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