So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
