idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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