I wish I only lived at night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
