Is it normal to miss your booty call?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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