If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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