A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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