EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
