belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
