using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
