y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
