My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
