Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
even my farts smell like vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
