While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
