If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
