And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
