there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
