I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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