I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Holy shit dude........stairs
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
