my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
no, he came in my armpit
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
