like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
