Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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