i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
