My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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