question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
