just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
