Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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