Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
