Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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