Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
