Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
