i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
