Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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