my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So many bounce houses so little time
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So. Much. Porn.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
