We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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