Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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