i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
