So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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