He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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