big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
