Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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